


here one day

by switchfault



Series: NaNoWriMo 2015 one-shots [1]
Category: 1PUNCH (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 08:24:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5121533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/switchfault/pseuds/switchfault
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Goodbyes always hurt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	here one day

"You're not serious." Samuel's voice is full of disbelief, as if Jaewon had just told him he was going to become an astronaut or something equally ridiculous. This is where Jaewon should rush in with reassurances, but instead he simply stands there, watching as the shock on Samuel's face gives way to a hurt expression that makes Jaewon's heart ache.

They were never supposed to get close in the first place.

"Samuel," Jaewon starts, but he doesn't get any further before Samuel pushes past him and stalks out of the room. The slam of the door is a clear _do not follow_ sign, but Jaewon was never one to give up easily. He wouldn't be here in the first place if he gave up easily.

It doesn't take him long to catch up with Samuel, sitting outside on the ground, back against the wall. Shoulders hunched, knees drawn up. He looks small and lost and Jaewon hates that he's gotten close to this stupid little kid, close enough that it hurts to do this. Hates that this isn't something that is wholly positive when he knows it should be. 

Sighing, Jaewon walks over and sits down next to Samuel, half expecting him to bolt again. Instead Samuel huffs and leans against him, head on Jaewon's shoulder. If it wasn't for how tense he obviously is, it would feel like just another day.

"I have to," Jaewon says quietly. Not exactly the best explanation in the world.

Samuel headbutts his shoulder and settles down again. "I know."

"I'm sorry," Jaewon adds, the words bitter in his mouth.

"No, you're not." Samuel just sounds tired now. As if he already knows it's pointless to try to fight this. As if he's already given up, resigned himself to saying goodbye and keeping on working alone.

Jaewon sighs and shrugs. On one hand, Samuel is right. He's not sorry for the opportunity that has somehow landed in his lap, and Samuel probably gets that. It's the dream, isn't it, going from a small company that nobody has even heard of to one of the big ones. Even if he goes back to being a trainee, it feels like making it. He can't bring himself to feel guilty over grabbing onto this chance with both hands and refusing to let go.

But on the other hand... 

"I'm sorry I can't take you with me?" Jaewon takes Samuel's hand, laces their fingers together without hesitation. Back in the beginning, when they had first met, something like that would have been practically impossible for him. Things are so different now. He's so different now. 

Samuel snorts and headbutts his shoulder again. "Yeah, I'm sure I would've fit in just great."

Honestly, Jaewon has thought about it. Very nearly brought it up at the meeting, even. But Samuel is in a different company. He's so much younger than Jaewon. He has a different image. It's not Jaewon's place to try to make things happen for him - Samuel is capable of doing that for himself. 

Besides, suggesting it had seemed like too much of a risk to take. It's difficult enough to secure a future for himself.

"We'll still be in the same industry, right, we'll see each other." Even to Jaewon's ears, it sounds hollow, and from the way Samuel just stares at him, it sounds equally hollow to him. 

Neither of them are naive. Jaewon because he's too old to be, Samuel because he's been through too much already. He's used to goodbyes and I'll-see-you-laters; Jaewon remembers the hushed conversations where Samuel told him about his family and the group he had been a part of when he was younger. 

Jaewon remembers the quiet tears, and feels like an asshole.

"I'll always be here if you need me." He doesn't know what else to say, but he needs to say _something_. He's not stupid; he owes a lot to Samuel and he doesn't have anything to offer in return.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Samuel replies. Doesn't demand anything. Probably knows that it's too late anyway. Instead they sit there, holding hands, and Jaewon knows he won't be the first one to let go. 

He isn't. Samuel is the one who pulls away and shifts to sit on his knees, staring at Jaewon. Looks him over as if he wants to make sure he doesn't forget, and Jaewon wonders if he's done this with others before. Maybe it's Samuel's own little ritual, a way of letting go of yet another person leaving him behind. The thought forces him to reach out, wanting to touch, to hold, to comfort.

Samuel shakes his head and stops him with a single look. "Don't." Samuel is the one who leans in and presses a kiss, soft and dry, to Jaewon's lips. It's quick, over too soon, and then Samuel's on his feet, walking away.

This time, Jaewon lets him go.

 

Three days later, a text message ticks in on his phone. _i hope you'll be happy hyung_ is all it says. When Jaewon tries to call, it goes straight to voice mail.

Jaewon swallows, deletes Samuel's number, and tells himself that this is all for the best.


End file.
